Afterwards
by liliaeth
Summary: Spike post Buffy, a series with different pov's showing Spike after Buffy
1. I knew

Title: Afterwards.

Rating: PG

Summary: After Buffy

Notes: this is a series of ficlets about Spike and his dealings with the LA gang after Buffy has visited LA

"I knew."  
  
Two simple words that shattered his heart.  
  
She'd arrived at Wolfram and Heart, looking for one of her new Slayers. He'd   
found her talking with Angel. He'd blushed, not having told her he was alive,   
but she'd simply answered with those two words. She knew.  
  
Fred had told Willow, who'd told Buffy. And she didn't even call.  
  
Happy bloody new year. He lifted his glass in salute to himself and his   
miserable excuse of an existence. He was so sick and tired of it all.  
Caring, love, hope...  
  
You can grab whatever you want, but you never get to keep it.  
  
He'd known she'd lied, he knew she hadn't loved him. So why did it hurt so   
damn much to have it confirmed by her actions? There had just been that   
small part of his heart still holding on to hope, still wishing, somehow, that she'd  
at least cared. That there had been something, anything.  
  
Guess he'd been wrong on that as well.  
  
She knew, she'd known he was back. But she'd been busy , she said. Travelling   
the world, happy to be in the sunlight. Too busy to even pick up the phone. Guess   
he'd been too much of a bother now that he'd dared to return from the beyond. Couldn't   
just give it a rest and get it over with, now could he. Had to mess it all up for her, again.  
  
The bartender threw him a hard look, but he didn't give a fuck , and threw a few quid   
down on the tabletop in front of him. Enough to get him severely and utterly under it   
before the night was over. Someone grabbed his arm, and he pulled back growling,   
barely able to keep from saying grrr.  
  
Gunn scowled at him, and told him to go home. He refused.  
Home where?  
The empty halls of Wolfram and Heart? Fred's lab? Angel's desk with a couple   
of files for a pillow?  
  
"Spike."  
  
They all made his name sound like a curse, something said in exasperation.   
Anger, disappointment. As if they all expected him to screw up any moment   
now. To do something stupid, to hurt someone, to be bad. Couldn't a bloke   
get pissed in peace anymore?  
Charlie threatened to drag him out. He liked Charlie, he really did. But this   
was so not the time.  
  
Buffy had known and she hadn't even called.  
  
Charlie ordered them both something to drink. He'd always known the boy was   
a bit alright.  
  
"Spike."  
  
He didn't care. He refused to. He wasn't sure what shit came out of his   
mouth after that. Buffy, the way she looked, the way she sounded, the way   
she felt under his hands as he touched her just there... He talked endlessly,   
how he'd fallen, deep, endlessly. How she'd...  
He'd gotten another drink or two, or three...  
And then he... Oh God he should have just staked himself after seeing them   
again. After she'd broken his heart all over again, just seeing them in the   
same room together. He'd broken out sobbing, his face on the table,   
demanding another beer to forget the memory.  
Of the two ...  
  
Buffy ...  
  
He told Charlie all of it, the loving, the hurting, the soul...  
And Charlie, good boy that he was, ordered him another drink.  
  
Watching her kiss old captain Forehead then had been bad enough. Watching   
her do it again... The big brooding piece of...  
And another drink.  
  
It's never enough, now is it?  
Loving them, caring...  
No matter what he did, it was never enough.  
What did He have, that he missed?  
  
And he spat it all out, all the venom, all the hatred. A century of   
resentment, of losing it all over and over again. Hating every second of   
it, knowing he was making an ass of himself to the one person in his new   
life, besides Fred, that he could actually stand.  
Acting all broody and stiff like Hairboy.  
Worse, he was acting like William.  
  
Angel with his ugly and hair and that mug and...  
  
He barely even remembered what happened after that. Half of it had to be a   
dream. He didn't respond when Charlie finally packed him up and dragged him   
to the car. He' been drowsy, ready to go down. But even he wasn't foolish   
enough to believe that that short caress over his face was anything other   
than a dream. That anyone had actually tugged him under on a couch.  
And that anyone had really whispered the words.  
"It'll be alright."  
  
He sobbed as he fell asleep.


	2. Never mind

Ficlet: Never mind  
Rating: G  
Series: Afterwards  
  
  
  
Anne hid in her second hand coat, offered to her by the rescue workers that had helped her temporarily rehouse the kids from the shelter. It wasn't cold, LA rarely was, yet she was freezing.  
She'd held one of the kids all through the night, fighting the pushers and pimps that tried to lure the kids out with promises of warm food and soft beds. Just a little job, they'd say.. So little to get so much.  
Anne would fight till her last heartbeat to keep them out.  
And from what? A deserted building they were 'temporarily' allowed to use. At least for the rest of the month. If they didn't find something soon.  
  
Three years ago, when Angel had given her a bag of blood drenched money, she'd thought they'd be good for the rest of her life. Turns out checks aren't all that easy to inn, when they were reported stolen.  
Then there was rent, food for more and more kids trying to find a place to seek shelter. Bedding, bail all too often, clothing for kids who's clothing was worn to a thread.  
But still, they'd managed. And when Lilah Morgan came with her offer of more help, it had been so easy to refuse.  
  
Two years ago, they'd send her packing again. Anne had been so sure of her own righteousness. No more bloodmoney...  
  
A year ago she'd learned her lesson...  
  
When ten more kids showed up and they had to fight to find them bedding, making them sleep on the floor in the common room. When she had to turn out ten more because the place was full and the health inspection would close them down if she let in even one more. When the grocer suddenly upped the prizes for the day old refuse, just good enough for a bunch of hungry kids. She'd been ready then, to accept the offer, to sell her soul, anything just so she wouldn't have to look at a kid's eyes as she had to refuse him.  
Lilah Morgan hadn't come though.  
And they'd gotten out of it.  
  
New bedding, a bit more place, some more toilets, a computer for those kids wiling to learn.  
One kid got back home, his father giving them food for a few weeks before the guilt wore off.  
Two weeks ago, they'd lost it all.  
  
One kid with matches, a second that couldn't help herself, and years of work went up in flames.The firm rose up in front of her, modern, cold. Windows everywhere. Wolfram and Heart's new offices. She hesitated on the other side of the street, staring up at her damnation. If  Morgan even still cared.  
She hardened herself, trying to seem strong and confident as she crossed the street and entered the lobbey. Even LA could be cold in the night.  
Anne froze, staring vapidly at the hundreds of men and women surrounding her. A greenskinned demon was openly talking to a client on his phone. Two more lawyers were discussing a deal with some sort of demons.  
  
A vampire in a short dress and vest was manning the phones. If she'd still had any illusions about vampires being exalted beings; watching Harmony Kendall manning the phones sure cured her of that.  
  
Air turned thin, she nearly choked on it. Taking a step back as if to run from the crowd.  
Backing up, right onto Charlie Gunn. Charlie who had left the hood, standing alone, who she hadn't seen for years and who stood now so sure of himself, dressed in clothes that probably cost more than what she'd spend on food for the kids for a month.  
  
"Annie? What are you doing here?" He sounded so happy to see him, she didn't dare face him, didn't dare tell him she didn't feel the same way.  
  
She shivered, ashamed of herself, of her need.  
Forcing a smile on her face, she fought to keep standing. Charlie's Brit friend was coming out of an office, along with Angel.  
  
"Is the shelter allright?"   
Charlie seemed so worried, but where had he been the past two years when they'd really needed him.  
  
She nearly broke down, nearly threw her troubles at his feet. Then his boss showed up.  
"Angel."  
  
"Anne."  
  
"What are you doing here?" they both asked at the same time, and Angel seemed almost embarrassed at her question.   
  
She watched as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, refusing to look her in the face.  
  
"I... I uh run the place here."  
  
"Wolfram and Hart?"  
The place he'd been fighting for years, the place he'd told her was evil incarnate. And he'd lost the fight.  
  
No matter what he tried to say, what he tried to give up as an excuse, he'd sold out.  
Sold out, she'd been about to do the same. And with every word she scolded him for doing exactly what she herself had been planning to do, knowing the mistake she nearly made.  
He was lost now.  
  
She couldn't wait for the answers to the questions she'd demanded, she couldn't hesitate, or she'd be as lost as he was.  
It was all so damn reasonable.  
  
"Leaving already?"  
She glared down at the blond vampire sprawled out on the bench in the front, somehow enjoying the sunlight without burning up. She snorted at the unnaturalness of it all as she moved out, ignoring him.  
She turned her back on them all and left.  
She had work to get back to.  
  
finis 

  



End file.
